Difference

Sadness can be crippling, and debilitating. I experienced that for that time that Mommy Helen and Kyna were in the Philippines. It was so bad to the point that I want to take my own life. I felt so alone, isolated, depressed and useless. Maybe because I don't have a real relationship with God I just did whatever I want when they left. The sins I also could hardly overcome kept coming after me until I couldn't take it anymore. My tears then won't stop flowing from my eyes. I feel like God convicted me of all the wrong things I am doing. I shared everything with Auntie Rhia and I prayed. It was the most freeing experience I ever had. No pretentions.

Before Mommy Helen and Kyna went for a vacation to the Philippines, I was excited thinking I could get things done or be more productive and be happier but I was wrong. The opposite happened. I realized I was so full of myself. After some days have passed, I actually started missing them. It's crazy how even though I've been dreaming that life, I was not really happy. 

 Long story short, I am so grateful and happy that they are back safely here in SC. As I am typing this, the thoughts of taking away my life is slowly gone and also now being replaced with gratefulness with a pinch of fear. I dont want to be back to the old me who always lie out of fear of Mommy Helen. All I want is to be grateful that I have them, that I have all the blessings that I have, that I have Papa Lord with me.