Too Much to Ask

I just want to have a stable job to support my family and my siblings' education. I just want a place to stay in after work. It doesn't have to be a palace or a mansion. I don't need a nine-digit salary, just enough to get me by every day and to help my family. I don't need lots of friends, just a few I could complain about how I burnt my tongue with my coffee this morning. I don't need a grand inheritance from someone. I am not after anyone's wealth. 

I was born and raised poor so I know I can manage to have nothing. All I want is for my family to have a better life. All I want is for my siblings to finish their school and get their degrees so they won't have a hard time finding jobs they love. All I want is for my parents not to worry about us nor our debts. I just want them to enjoy the life they deserve. The life that they've been providing us since Day 1. All I want is for my extended family to have jobs to sustain them even when I'm gone. All I want is to help the people around me as much as I can. 

All I want is to be able to do all these someday. But how? How can I help others when I could not even help myself? How can I help myself when I don't love myself enough to seek help? Enough to stand up for me? All I want is to stop feeling envious, pity, and disgusted of myself. I want to be free from all these chains of emotions I've had since I learned that life is hard, that families can disappoint you, that kindness you do for others isn't always reciprocated equally.  

I want to love myself more. I want to fully heal from the past. I want to be forgiving to myself and to others. I want to be more appreciative. I want to enjoy what I have instead of complaining about what I don't have. I want to be free. 

Are all these too much to ask?