Noise

Starbucks at Mt. Pleasant

Sometimes, it's not really the noise around me that makes me disabled
It's the noise from within me.
The noise of self-doubts, screaming how worthless I am,
The yelling of sadness seeking my attention,
The repetitions of all my mistakes I've done before playing in my mind like a broken tape.
I want to be the best version of myself.
I want to be a faithful servant of God.
I want to be that one who shines bright for others to see the goodness of God
But why? Why can't I do it? Why is it so hard?
Why does everything feel so heavy?
Why is it so noisy even if it's really silent around me?