What's for Dinner

July 2, 2020. It's 9:59 pm. I'm lying on the bed as I type these words. I dont know but I always feel this way. During the day, everything is okay. I do household chores, watch tv, etc etc etc. As the day ends, I contemplate, am I really living or just existing? I feel like something is missing. I'm not like this before. When I was in IIT in Iligan, I used to be so enthusiastic and appreciative. I was the perfect girl so they say. I felt like it, too. All I was worrying before was what to eat for dinner. I dreamt big dreams for myself and for my family. I always felt so blessed that I pray the moment I wake up, the moment before I sleep and different, frequent moments during the day. Everytime I feel so blessed, my automatic response was praying. That made me felt so good and light and joyful. But then, I moved to a different place. I dont know what happened to me. I started living in fear, anger and hatred. I lost my light. I lost myself. I have to always be careful not to disappoint or upset people around me. I have to always be alert and quick or no employers would want to hire me. I should be knowledgeable in cooking or I wouldnt be a wife-material. I should also be good in household chores or I would be dumb. I tried to fit myself in the box they've created for me. I tried to fit in so I would be acceptable to the society. It is exhausting. I never worry about any of all these before. All I was thinking was what to eat for dinner.